How To (Nearly) Win A Beauty Pageant With A Black Eye

Andrew Bogut, then of the Milwaukee Bucks, injures himself
falling to the floor of the Bradley Center in Milwaukee during
a 2010 NBA game (AP/Jim Prisching)

I knew the sound all too well.  I've been working basketball games in one way or another, as a towel boy, stats guy or announcer, since I was a freshman in high school back in 1996.  When a person falls hard to a wood floor, it's a distinctive noise.  You can hear the difference between a soft landing and a hard one.

This was a hard landing.  You could hear bones hit as opposed to parts with cushioning. 

I don't think Pam ever had designs on being a basketball player, though, nor was this on a basketball court.  And when the biggest part of your trip is going to be a contest that will depend largely upon how Pam looks, you know bruises aren't good anywhere, much less on the face.

Problem is, that's where Pam landed.

I know a lot of blame that probably falls on my shoulders for the tumble Pam took in Camp Hollywood's Friday aerials class this year.  It probably starts with our ... er, my ... decision to take the class to begin with.

We had already done two classes that morning:  A quick refresher on Hollywood style with David Frutos and Kim Clever, as well as a class on "Lindy Bounce" with Jeremy Otth and Laura Keat.  After an amazing lunch at the Marriott Los Angeles Airport's Latitude 33 restaurant — seriously, if you can, eat there, best service we've ever had at a restaurant — we had choices for our third class.  The Intermediate class dealt with "rhythmic cliches," such as "shave and a haircut, two bits" and such.  While Pam was somewhat interested, I had a feeling the class was going to be a lot of patterns we would already be able to anticipate, given we've been dancing for over 15 years combined.  The Advanced class was with Frutos and Clever again, whom we love to death, but was about aerials.

Yuval Hod & Nathalie Gomes do an aerial
(ithacaswingdance.com)

Pam was nervous about aerials.  While Pam is beyond petite, I'm not the biggest or strongest guy in the world and the last thing Pam wanted was to get dropped.  Thing is, though, I have all of two aerials in my arsenal and have always wanted more.  With the couple I've learned, the key point has always been to make the aerial as simple as possible from the get-go, such that it's almost impossible for anything to go wrong.  Of course, the aerials I do are relatively easy, even if they do have a bit of a "wow" factor.  I'd like more "wow," though, and it's rare that we get the chance to learn anything new.  

Pam probably would have preferred the cliche class, but it just seemed ... cliche to me.  Somewhat begrudgingly, she agreed to the aerials class.

The first aerial taught was one of the two I already knew, a simple horizontal throw.  Frutos and Clever broke the move down perfectly, going even further in-depth than Maureen Majeski did when she taught me the move at the Jumpin' Jive Club, though Majeski did perfectly fine and I've never had trouble executing the throw. 

The next one, though, was a little more challenging:  A Knickerbocker.  Here's what it looks like done correctly:

We split into teams of six to do the move.  The team size was for a reason:  At all times, two people would be doing the aerial and, ideally, there would be one person to the left, right, front and back of the people doing the move in case someone came off-balance.

We all tried the move once.  The first couple to try had very few issues, however, it should be noted that while the follow might have been slightly taller and larger than Pam, the guy was very tall and well-built, so that probably aided the process.  The first time through, Pam and I were able to execute the move, but only with spotting.  For some reason, Pam was falling forward at the end of the move each time.  The third couple got it, but also with a lot of spotting help. 

It was in our second time trying the move that it happened.  The first couple, by now, basically had it down and was starting to make it look easy.  It might have lulled the spotters to sleep a bit.  Pam and I got up and tried it once.  We got Pam up in the air, but really struggled to get her over.  I was focusing on the idea that you really want to push the follow over more by the lower back than the legs, rather than just catching her by the legs like we had done in a build-up drill for the move.  Meanwhile, Pam was making a point to try and jump higher to ease the trip over.

With those things in mind, we went at the move one more time.  Needless to say, Pam did not get all the way over.

Somehow, Pam came out of the move horizontal to the ground, although tilted slightly such that her left side was where all contact happened.  It's hard to say which spotter even could have helped because of the way Pam came over, but she clearly didn't come out on her feet and no one remembers any spotter hands being accessible until it was all over.  Pam said she thought her feet were the first thing to hit, but she later discovered a bruise on her knee, leading her to believe she basically had a three-point landing:  Left toes, left knee and, worst of all, left head, right at the eyebrow.  As outlined above, the dull thud of skull against wood was cringe worthy. 

Pam quickly rolled over into a seated position and everyone rushed around her.  A dancer in another group who was a nurse flew over and did some quick tests on a somewhat dazed Pam, who was trembling a bit, to make sure she wasn't immediately showing signs of a concussion, something the three-point landing probably saved her from. 

Pam did not seem to be concussed, but the next thing on our minds, of course, was the big reason we were there:  Miss Camp Hollywood on Sunday.  Pam now had a red spot above her eye, which didn't take long to swell to the size of a large marble.

This would not have been a good look for Pam
(iStock.com/Rich Legg)

This was a problem.  A lot of preparation and money had gone into the trip, all basically for Pam to look her best on Sunday.  The bump was not Pam's best look, and Pam knew from experience with falls for her kids in her day job that bumps in that region could turn into a bigger problem:  A black eye.  In the minutes after the fall, the lump threatened to do a lot of damage to our biggest trip on the Miss Heartland Swing National Tour.

In its own unique way, this was our time for crisis management.  Pam was worried and not happy, but was prepared to do what it took to make things as good as they could be for Sunday.  I knew that acting quickly would be important.  In times like these, it's easy to get emotional and not do the right things to make the very unideal situation as ideal as possible. 

In the moments after the fall, someone quickly got a bag of ice for Pam and we stopped doing anything related to the class so that Pam could tend to her head.  There were two other class times scheduled for that day, but we decided to forgo them.  First things first, we went back to our hotel.

I hopped on the computer, as did Pam, to start looking up ways to keep a bump like that under control.  Twenty minutes on and 20 minutes off with ice seemed to be a common theme, at least for 48 hours.  That would keep the swelling down and reduce discoloration.  After 48 hours, heat would be key, but we weren't worried about that since the contest was less than two days away.  There was also a unique suggestion:  Vitamins.  Bruises are basically just broken blood vessels and vitamins, specifically Vitamin C, can help with healing.  Ibuprofen would help as well.

As for makeup coverups if the black eye would occur, Pam hadn't brought concealer and we read that using the same makeup you usually use to cover up such an eye will often mix poorly with the bruising, forcing you to use an overabundance of makeup or a bad mix and making the eye more noticeable.  Knowing the injury might force drastic measures, we figured the Mary Kay family could potentially be one we'd have to turn to and we did look up independent consultants around LAX, just in case. 

Ice in hand, Pam hopped in the convertible with me and we found a local market.  Some juice and some Advil later, we were back in the car.  With some time on our hands, we did head up to Hollywood Boulevard to take some pictures, but I chose to head up there as much because I knew it would take Pam's mind a little off the bump as much as anything else. 

Pam delicately applies makeup to her left eye on Friday night

How bad was the bump?  I'm not going to say it's like she took a baseball to the head, but anytime there's swelling and a lump, I think you have to be concerned.  Fortunately, I think our efforts, particularly the ice, made a big difference.  The picture you see at right of Pam applying makeup is from Friday night.  You can maybe pick up a little bit of swelling, but the redness went down and I don't think anyone who wasn't concentrating could see anything. She said she really didn't enjoy the process of applying the makeup and it still hurt, but she didn't think she looked out of the ordinary. 

We were intent with the ice and Pam also made a good point not to touch the bump, which also wouldn't have helped.  We stayed away from classes on Saturday for a few reasons:  The classes that interested most were on Friday, Pam didn't want to get hurt again, we both wanted to return to the Walk of Fame and we had also read that a good night's sleep with the head elevated was key to avoid eye blackening.  When Pam rolled off her two-pillow setup Saturday morning, it was well past the start time for the first class and Pam's eye didn't look all that bad.  We got through both the day and night and Pam worked hard at her pincurls after the dance.

Pam looked fine — very fine — on Sunday

Sunday morning rolled around soon enough.  That morning — no problems, not to mention that it was sunny enough for Pam to go with her retro-styled sunglasses and conceal most of anything anyone could see, anyway.  And no one can argue with the result. 

It is worth noting that, as we made our way to Six Flags Magic Mountain on Monday, a little bit of redness could be seen in Pam's eyelid, while she still said it was tender.  But, all in all, we had survived well.

There are a number of keys in crisis management and I think they're worth emphasizing one more time:

• Assess the situation quickly.  Do what needs to be done immediately first and handle what's most important, which is everyone's safety and well-being.  
• Then, assess what's most important and what the biggest problem could be.  
• Find out how to address it.  In the age of smartphones and Google, this is easier than ever.  
• Focus on actions.  Try to make the situation right.  
• Do what it takes to address it.  Walk away feeling like you did absolutely everything you could do.  
• Once you feel like you're handling that, handle the emotional part, too.  Usually, the actions help.  When you feel like you've done everything you can, it's hard to have regret.  

Speaking of regret, do I regret choosing the aerials class?  Not really.  If we would have known better what it would have entailed, then yes, I might feel worse, but we didn't know and it seemed like the reasoning for taking the class was solid.  I know I'll take crap about it for a while, but I take crap about a lot of things, so it's just add another item to the pile.  Do I feel at fault?  Probably more at fault than anyone else, yes, but there's enough things that went wrong that could theoretically fall into a variety of people's hands that I really think pointing fingers is kind of fruitless. 

It was an unfortunate circumstance, but things that are worthwhile usually involve overcoming some difficulty.  Lesson learned:  There's a reason Johnny Castle and Baby worked on their aerials in the water. 

For us, I think a mat is a minimum requirement from now on.  But hey -- at least we know Pam can even (nearly) win a beauty pageant with a (barely) black eye.  Not bad.